were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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