I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
