i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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