i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
