Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
