did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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