I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize