I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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