my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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