Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
