but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
