I hate all girls vehemently.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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