But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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