This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
