moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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