Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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