We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
