just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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