I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
