Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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