I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
