You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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