She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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