i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
