i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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