: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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