he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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