Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
