I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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