oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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