so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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