Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
