Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
