i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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