yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
