Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
