I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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