Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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