I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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