grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
try to milk me bitch
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
