Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize