I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
