Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
