His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
