I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
PANTIES FOUND
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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