When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
