I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am naked and annoyed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize