would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
