I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
