Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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