he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
