Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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