Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
