It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
