No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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