I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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