Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
