God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
