The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
