You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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