great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
