Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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