Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
