the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
