I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
