i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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