there's paper in my vomit.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
