it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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