Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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