bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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